Breaking down in order to rebuild
by jadefly
Summary: About 50 years after the events in Egypt Sam wit-wicky is showing signs of dementia. Little by little he is losing his memories and his sense of being. Bumblebee tries to deal with everything that is happening to his old friend. try-out for a new fanfic.


The following event takes place in a fanfic i'm trying to begin. It is my first try and i would like to know what you think of the concept. Should i continue?

Characters migth act OOC to you but i have written this story with the last movies in mind. Since personality is not always totally clear from those few moments on screen i took the liberty of filling in the gaps.

For those reviewers. Every criticism is welcome but please go easy on the spelling and stuff. English is not my first language and when i upload this it is already past midnight .

I do not own any of the characters used in this story exept Aurin.

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><p>Proloque<p>

Sam wit-wickeys life is coming to an end. About 50 years after the events in Egypt he is showing signs of dementia. Little by little he is losing his memories and his sense of being.

Bumblebee tries to deal with everything that is happening to his old friend. He meets a new girl, Aurin, someday in the woods. Unexpectedly a friendship forms between the two. Even though Bumblebee knows how the dementia will progress and he deems himself prepared for the inevitable, he was wrong. His new found friendship triggers memories and he has problems coping with them, even going so far as to hurting his new friend.

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><p>"It must be hard, seeing him like that.." She said.<p>

"It is, but I find some comfort in the good moments he has. Even though they get rarer he is still Sam."

Ya, I Know.. it sounds so mature, doesn't it? However, at that moment I did not trust myself to look her in the eye. Afraid that I would not be able to keep my composure if our gazes would meet.

"Com'on Big Guy, I don't like seeing you…"

The rest faded out of existence. The moment she spoke those two words "Big Guy". In an instant I was back on a familiar backyard lawn. It was sunny and I could hear water sprinkling in a basin. I lay on my back and next to me…Sam. Happy memories of long lost summers.

"…..you so down. What did you and Sam usually do to cheer each other up?"

"He…we….You." I could not utter any more words. I was confused, afraid of what I thought I saw. There stood Aurin, alive and willingly to cheer me up. But all is saw was Sam. A Sam long gone now, only still present in rare moments of clarity.

When I reflect back on this moment I'm still not proud of how I'm going to react in my confusion. However, for me it would be defining the meaning of my friendship with Aurin. It would force me to face my feelings and deal with them.

Regaining some coherent thoughts I screamed the first words coming to CPU: "YOU. ARE. NOT. SAM."

"What…? I know…I know Bee and I don't want to be. Bee…WAIT!" before she could finish her sentence I transformed and took off. Any other words she might have uttered lost in the rumble of my engine.

I drove. Not looking back, neither able nor willing to. I do not know how long I drove but when I had calmed down a bit I found myself driving back to base. I stopped near the entrance unsure of what to do. Normally, I would be out for hours either driving or spending my time with Sam or Aurin.

I did the only thing I could think of and tiredly sat back against a crevice in the wall near the entrance. At this time no one would be coming here unless there was an emergency. It always was a good place when you had too much on your mind and I needed a quit place to think.

Apparently I was not the only one with bothersome thoughts because not a moment too soon Ratchet came into view. I had startled him, I noticed. He asked: "Your back already?" not really able to hide the slightly higher pitch in his voice.

"Ya" I said bluntly.

"How come, did something happen?"

"No"

" Are you sure? "

"Ya"

"You are never back here at this hour. Would you like to tell me why that has changed?"

"No"

"Are those the only two words in your vocabulary?"

"maybe"

"come'n kid, spit it out already. What happened? I have known you longer than you even know yourself and something is bothering you. Does it have to do with Sam? He has gotten worse, has he?"

"Ya, he has"

"I thought I had been over this with you. Sam has been over this with you. What is happening with him at the moment was inevitable. He is human, their lifespan is short and they tend to malfunction at the end of their life. I thought you had come to terms with it, before it became worse..."

"I know…but… I don't know if…"

"What? I'm not going to stand here all night."

"Ratchet, have you ever had the feeling you betrayed someone, broke an important promise?"

"No, and don't change the subject."

"Not even a little? Lying counts…..."

"If I would get a drop of highgrade for every little lie I needed to tell all you slaggers to keep you calm in medbay I would not be standing here sober."

" You lie to everyone? Even to Prime? "

"Sometimes. Just remember being CMO comes with benefits" The next words he uttered were almost lost in a husky whisper. " Like not being totally honest about the whereabouts and current status of some confiscated highgrade, but I did not tell you this"

I could only give a little smirk before he continued.

So what happened?" he said.

"I kinda freaked out about an hour ago…said something I should not have…maybe"

"keep talking"

"Okay, Okay. I said something stupid to Aurin.."

"What did you say this time? Ever since you got that voicebox back your mouth seems be quicker than your CPU sometimes."

"I kinda, maybe, upset her a lot by yelling a little at her about her not being Sam… and then she said something but I was already halfway to here, so I kinda missed that part….

Utter silence, only the wind trough the leaves was audible as doc bot seemed to contemplate my words. The overprotective and perceptive medic he was you could see him make his conclusions. He sees and hears all, believe me.

"You said that to her? Even though she knows about your history together and what you are going through at the moment."

I could only look horrified as he lifted his servo.

"Ratchet, what are you doing with that wrench?"

" Maybe, I should recalibrate that box just a little" He said. "Don't worry it won't hurt….MUCH. Oh wait, why not keep it easy an just weld your faceplate shut…"

"RATCHET!" I yelled. "please.. I 'm to [FILL IN BLANK SPACE] to die..!"

"Hahaha" The barking Laugh reached my audio receptors as I glanced trough my servos to the source of my impendent doom. " Kid, keep it cool…just rattling your diodes" He answered.

Ratchet's reaction was standard, protocol to learn to every new recruit. He even has his own section in the handbook, next to a detailed description about the many uses of a wrench. But the tention emenating from that simple familiar action was enough to break my carefully recovered stance. It send me over the edge. My frame started to tremble as coolant pooled around my optics. Before I knew it I collapsed in a heap of sobbing and clicking metal parts.

"Ohoh..Kid, I'm sorry. I will not touch that box of yours. Easy now…"

I lost it. Understanding out of the window. Everything came rushing back at me. Happy memories. Sam aging, Sam not recognizing me anymore. He had explained what was happening and where his illness would eventually lead to. I understood and I was prepared. But meeting Aurin and the friendship that developed from the simple coincidence of her being there at the lake when she was… Spending time with her triggered memories which I had buried the same moment Sam buried his, unwillingly.

Trying to keep control over my body I heaved. I felt an arm wrapping around my shoulder and a servo starting to rub small circles on the back of my helm. That simple gesture calmed me a little and trough my irregular sobs and clicks two discernable words could be heard. "…too…much"

It was as simple as that. I thought I had everything sorted out, but I was wrong. I had carefully guarded my emotions, kept them imprisoned in my mind. I did not deal with them over time.

"keep ventilating, what's too much?"

"Sam will be gone…soon, and I know it" I managed to utter. " …but…Aurin.."

"Yes, Aurin what..?"

"She reminds me so much of Sam. Sometimes…..when we are together, just….. for…. a moment I'm not quite sure where or with whom I am. Sam or her"

"…"

"It hurts .. it's confusing. How can it still hurt? I'm losing Sam, I knew it would happen and I was prepared. And now voila just like that I find the perfect replacement…same old, same old."

I could barely hold in the laughter threatening to escape my vocalizer. "what's wrong with me..? I have had a great time with Sam and I get a second chance with Aurin. I enjoy the time I spend with her. Then why do I feel like I am betraying Sam?"

"You feel like your betraying Sam by enjoying your time with Aurin?"

"Yes, should I not be by his side right now? I promised to him I would be there till the end!"

"No you don't!"

Regaining some of my composure I threw Ratchet a questioning look.

He Sighed before continuing: "There is just so much a 'bot can give. If you don't receive something from time to time… well let's just say you'll start to wear thin. I've been there. When work is your only friend in life… . Never finishing that sentence he continued: " I am lucky to have met you all, I can give more now than I ever hoped I could because I have family"

"But…"

"No buts kid. Aurin is able and willing to give you what you need at the moment. To be family. Make use of that and in return be her friend, she might need you someday.."

It took me some time to calm down enough to let these words sink in. He was right.

" Thanks, Ratchet."

"don't mention it kid"

For a few silent moments we just stood there, looking at the nights sky. I had never noticed him getting up after the rare moment of him comforting me.

"Kid, why are you still here sitting on you aft?"

"I'm thinking, why?"

"Don't you have an apology to make?"

"I do, but I can't just barge back in. Not after how I left."

"GO..NOW or the back of your head will meet mr. wrench for real this time!"

"But..Ratch"

"I said NO BUTS, GO!"

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><p>I never noticed Prime emerging from the shadowy doorway as Ratchet watched my rear disappearing in the night.<p>

"At last" He said.

"I know" Ratchet answered. "Dammed kid… took long enough"

"He will be all right, old friend"

"Your right, Youngling, I just…, I should have noticed earlier"

"Don't blame yourself. Even though he will need all the help he can get he will have to ask for it."

"It's fortunate Aurin decided to get in when she did. Even though it will hurt now and then she does him good."

"Indeed my friend, Indeed. And he means the world to her; even though she may not be completely ready yet to face that fact she will in due time. The little mishap will be nothing more that another part of the foundation of their friendship."

"I presume you have been overhearing us from the start?"

"Yes, I did. And I believe I just heard some highgrade call out to us…"

That was their cue to re-enter the building. Peace returned to the base under a melodious "Slagger…" from Ratchet. As old friends turned and began the quest to find the missing high grade.

So what do you think? please let me know


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